Time will only heal you if you allow yourself to be healed

Cool! Meron palang ganito! Sige nga, gamitin ko nga!!

Since thinking doesn't work, what am I to do?

Get drunk

 

 1

Pray that you could live years ahead in the future

 

 0

Run! Exercise supposed to clear your mind... while you're running anyway...

 

 3

Keep on distracting yourself (study na for next sch year! eeww...)

 

 2

Cry it out after getting drunk

 

 1

Get a summer job

 

 0

Don't go on outings anymore

 

 0

Don't do karaoke anymore

 

 0

Move on and get a new identity

 

 1

TRY to get drunk at least

 

 0

Funny thing about time... Sometimes it seems like it never ends.
Sometimes it seems like it goes too fast. Even, sometimes both things
occur at the same time!



My first blog entry is private, so baka wala masyadong maka gets hehe I
wrote it last sem break pa; Oct 20 nakasulat doon. And hanggang ngayon,
that same topic pa rin ang iniisip ko hanggang ngayon. So I guess buong
vacation, that same question pa rin ang pag-iisipan ko sa buong
vacation. Parang walang effect ang time. I'm still as confused as
before. I still don't know what I want.



Sabi nga nila, time will only heal you if you allow yourself to be
healed. How do I do that? Makakausap ko ba ang time? "Time, heal me!
I'm all ready for the healing part!" Pwede ba iyon? Pwede ko kayang
i-mind over matter ang sarili ko, in case na hindi pa nga ako ready ma
heal? How do I do that? Akala ko ba nasa stage na ako ng acceptance...
or is this denial in disguise?



Argh... Pinag-isipan ko pa ito ng pumunta ako ng bakasyon. And what do
I get? Still nothing!! I missed a lot of things by staying by myself,
being alone, and thinking about it. Pero nada tlga! Bwisit! I can't
even get drunk... which is worse, I think.



So what do I do now? Keep on distracting myself? Actually when I was
thinking by myself, I kept on thinking mas maganda sana kung may kasama
ako, someone to talk to. But I know that it's hard for me to open up
and talk... Because I don't want to and I was brought up not to cry
anyway. Even when I know I needed to let it out. I needed to cry. But
it just feels awkward. So even if there was someone with me to walk
with, I think I'll just distract myself and talk about other mundane
safe things.



On the early part of the night, I mixed rhum with coffee and milo and I
think it was the reason why I was up until 430am, even though everyone
else was already asleep by 330. So I just went outside, went stargazing
and wished that I could just fall asleep there. I tried to think, but I
keep getting distracted with other thoughts.



You see, I kept remembering my first time when I did stargazing. It was
the first outing at Gabby's in Tali, and I was with a group of ppl, but
I remember Tin Semilla and Myke the most. Kasi at some point, the three
of us were the only ones up and they were trying to sleep na. Hindi pa
rin ako inaantok noon, but I quieted down so that they could sleep. Eh
na bore ako, so pinipitik ko iyong metal thing behind my head. Tapos
natawa sila kasi bigla nalang may nag "ting ting ting ting" diyan eh
akala nila matutulog na rin ako.



The first outing, I wasn't sure if I was going to go since wala ako
ka-close sa mga Ateneo ppl at the time. Pumunta lang ako kasi sabi ng
isa. But it was really fun... Actually, it's one of my favorites...



See?? Distracting myself from the real issue at hand here. Focus em, focus!